And here I sit waiting...

Victor is due home any minute. I am scared, but feeling ok. Whew, this is hard. I want it to be a bad dream. But I need to face that it is not just going to go away. I will look at this as a place to find myself. I need to take that jump out of the nest, and I need to fly!
Ok...that sounded stupid, like a bad cliche, but whatever. It is how I feel.
I want to continue to learn and grow, and I want to find my own happiness. I am 25, and while I know some things that make me happy, I do not know how to make myself happy. I am going to try to learn. He is home.

Here I go again....

on my own....
Well, friends, I am off to do my own thing. I am hurting some right now, but I am trying to look at this as a beginning instead of an end. Wow. It is really easy to say that, and very hard to put it into action. I have never NOT wanted to do something as badly as I do NOT want to move out of this apartment that I have been sharing with Victor, my soon to be ex-boyfriend.
BUT, I am going to pour my pain and energy into school. I will be a robot. School, school, school, school. That is what I need to focus on. I will be eating, breathing, and sleeping that thought. I will meditate on it, until at last, I have a BA in Japanese Studies from UHH (University of Hawai'i at Hilo.) Whoooo! Then it is off to Japan. Those are the ONLY things that matter right now.
But it does not take away the pain of breaking up ; ;
Wow, I have said "but" a lot. :D